The "Bell Cap"

My cycling helmet is made by the brand “Bell” and as soon as I saw it, it reminded me of my mate Simon and his mistake at school when we were 13. It was miserable grey day at Withernsea High school and as we sat on stools in a science room, with our Pod or Kicker clad feet dangling, we were having our very first sex education class. Our form tutor Mr Beteridge was assigned the task of taking this lesson and I don't think he was enjoying it very much. Now Mr Beteridge was really nice man, but being a Yorkshireman in his mid 50's, I think he was about as keen as us doing this lesson as we were. Well he certainly wasn't very enthusiastic, and who could blame him.

About half way through the lesson it was time to talk about contraception. We had already been advised that it was not a “ball bag” it was “scrotum” and also shown a video of a woman giving birth, that got the teachers assistant to comment “ I really wish it was that easy. If it was, I wouldn't still resent my husband”

Well we were all summoned around the front table and had a look at some condom's while sniggering and getting redder and redder in our faces. But Mr Beteridge said, condoms aren’t the only form of contraception “There are others out there, but unfortunately we don’t have the budget to bring them into the lesson today.” So there in front of us was a artists impression of some other commonly used products. “Right class, does any one know what this is?” And all of a sudden, after hours of silence in various lessons throughout school Simon pipes up. I still have no idea idea why to this day, as he was about to make a very big mistake, but he shouts out “Its a bell cap” Mr Beteridge doesn’t say anything he just looks at him blankly, “ you know like a condom but just goes on your bellend” Stifling a laugh Mr Beteridge corrects Simons mistake and lets us know just how a contraceptive cap works. The lesson continued as normal, and simon was duly ridiculed for the rest of his school life, because of his mistake.

I know this story doesn’t have much to do with cycling, but it is because of this story, that I laughed to myself while picking out my bicycle helmet. “What you laughing at?”asked Hazel. Due to the close proximity of children, I waited till we got in the car to tell her about Simons error. And for ever more my Bell cycling helmet will be referred lovingly to the “Bell Cap”