Well, Sunday came, and it was time to pick up my new bike. As I entered Halfords I was greeted with a friendly nod and “Hello Mr Slow.” I walked up the steps towards the service desk, and the staff stood on each side of the stairway and shook my hand as I climbed. my excitement increased as I knew is was getting closer and closer. Upon placing my receipt on the counter, the polite young man informed me, it would only take one minuet. I looked at Hazel and of course her eyes were welling up with tears of joy, as were mine. Her gaze soon left mine and fixated on the doorway behind me, I could tell my bike was there. As I turned, smoked filled the room and my beautiful Boardman bike was being pushed out to me by the one and only Chris Boardman himself...........
Of course this did not happen. The fact of the matter is I cant remember what else I did that day because I was asleep with a hangover. Hazel wasn't excited, she was practically fuming at my in-ability to talk about anything other than “Your stupid bloody bike” and unfortunately Chris Boardman doesn't hand deliver any of his endorsed products,. What actually happened was as follows
I handed my receipt to the snotty little scrote (sorry to use that word, but it really does warrant it) of a staff member, who looked at me blankly. “erm..... ill go check if its here mate” Check! Check! It better bloody be here, you told me it was going to be only a week ago. He goes in the back and Hazel says “I thought you told me you rang and it was definitely here” I had lied to her. I don't like using the phone, so I just said I had rang to keep her sweet. Hazel looked at me and sighed, I hoped she would walk off and leave me to it, but no she stood there ready do pounce on the shop assistant and then me.
5 minuets later Mr scrote comes out, looks at me and says “1 min mate” and before Hazel can strike, he scuttles off to the the other end of the store, to what I can only assume is a senior member of staff. They start chatting and the boss takes the receipt out of his hand. “If you rang we wouldn't have to be waiting now” Hazel informs me. I'm angry, because I know she is right, but I don't want an argument, so go to look at the bikes. This only makes matters worse, as the sample of my bike is there. So I go and look at the children’s scooters.
Some young girl is flying around the shop on a Bratz bike, ringing the bell loudly. A female shop assistant yells at me to control my daughter. I try to tell her I don’t have a daughter, but she has now wheeled this girl over to me, and walks off. We look at each other in with the same blank expression, but I can see tears welling up in the girls eyes. Just as my panic button is about it hit red, I am saved by the girls biological parents, who whisk her of, a bit to fast for it to be polite. Hazel of course finds this hilarious “What you doing trying to steel kids? We should discus it next time and we can actually plan the kidnap a bit better” I know what she said was funny but I’m in no mood to laugh. And sulk off towards the service desk.
Mr scrote sees me coming “alight mate, your bike is over there leaning against the wall” He is right the bike is over there leaning against the wall, but I'm kinda pissed that he dint come and find me to tell me this. “OK...erm so that’s it?” and with out even looking up from his computer he replys “yeah mate, there are some allen keys hanging on it, just switch the handle bars round when you get home” He then looks up, his potato head, and crudely cut out eyes look at me, and secretly he is asking me “You got a problem with anything mate ? Cos If you do I’m gonna do my best not to help you.” but instead he asks if there is anything else I can help with, I decline and go over to the Boardman. My frustration, annoyance and embarrassment subside, and replaced with joy, but more dominantly relief. I feel like I did when I got my Red Raliegh BMX back in 1988. Hazel comes over and the only thing I can say to her is “See I didn't have to phone in did I”
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